In preparation I worked hard at trying to get his immune system as strong as possible (he's been quarantined from the park for quite some time- poor guy!). I've made sure that he is eating really good foods so his system is working as smoothly as possible (that means regular movements! Yay! Sorry – it’s important) and having his vitamins.
When we left for the doctor’s office I was a wreck! Most people think I'm crazy (and I partly am I know). But it's not that I'm a wreck because I feel bad for the pain he is about to experience when getting the shot (although, don’t get me wrong… I don’t want him to feel pain), but I was a wreck because what I consider as poison/disease was soon to be injected into my wholesome and “unaffected” little boy. And with this MMR vaccine there are SOOOO many potential side effects. And I’m not talking the little fever, little rash, I’m talking seizures, blood disorders, brain damage. So I just hated every minute of our drive there. I'd turn to look at Luke and he was so happy and smiley and that made it so much harder. Because I knew he trusts us 100% to keep him safe and protected from harm/sadness and injury. So as we were going there, it was really hard for me because I didn't feel 100% certain we were protecting him from all of those things. I knew our intention was to protect him... But the likelihood of him getting measles, mumps and/or rubella is SO slim, that I can’t say for sure it’s worth knowingly injecting him with all of those viruses that could potentially cause some of these horrific side effects. I kept going back and forth on it. I knew he was going to experience pain... but no one could tell us with 100% certainty that everything would be OK once he had the vaccine. I tried to keep my face smiling and happy and tried not to show my nerves. But he is SOOO smart, I know he sensed it... Even Bryan said he could tell Luke knew something was up.
Once we were in the Doctor's office and were waiting, I got more and more nervous and panicky. I started sweating and got shaky. When the nurse came in to give the shot she had already drawn the vaccine into the needle. My agreement with the office is that the vaccine always needs to be drawn in front of me so I can double-check to ensure it’s the correct vaccine. I've seen too many NBC Dateline stories that have reminded us all how important that is and how people have suffered because medicines/prescriptions weren't double-checked. Not on my watch! No, sir! I had to tell the nurse that I wanted a new one to be draw in front of me. She gave me some attitude and said this one would be wasted. I told her it's not my problem and that I wanted a new one drawn in front of me. One of the things I'm learning REALLY quickly is that your child is your #1 priority. I don't care how embarrassed something might make me, if it's something I'm not comfortable with, or I think could jeopardize something for Luke I will speak up. So beware! :)
She got a new vaccine and drew the vaccine into the needle in front of me. Bryan was busy keeping Luke occupied, but I was getting more and more sad as we were getting closer to the point of no return. Then, because I had already checked to make sure the vaccine was the correct one, I turned my full attention on Luke. I could tell he knew something was about to happen. The nurse lifted up his pant leg and he looked down to see what she was doing and I said, "Lukie, baby, look at me... Just look at me... You’re OK... Your OK.." Then the nurse pulled away and I wasn't even sure she had done anything because the whole time Luke had been looking straight at me and his face didn't change expression at all. Then a couple of seconds after she pulled away, Luke scrunched up his face and let out a cry. I was expecting it to be so much louder, and it wasn't. Don't get me wrong, it was definitely a harder cry... But one that told me he was OK. And it wasn't that bad. But, funny enough, that is when I started to cry. I didn't wail out or anything, don’t want the Doctor’s thinking I’m that crazy and calling in the CPS or anything. But I got really choked up and my eyes filled up with tears. At that moment Daddy said, "Lukie you did SOOOO good. Give me a high-five." And through his tears and mid-cry, he gave him a high-five. Then Daddy handed Luke a small Buzz figurine that we brought to surprise him after he got his shot. Luke grabbed it from his hand and immediately tried to push the buttons on his arms (his cousin Jack has one where you can push the buttons and it lights up). Luke said, mid-cry again, "Buttons... light-up?!" This made me laugh, through my tears... Poor little guy... His parents had only gotten him the cheapy one. But my Mom and Dad are getting him the cool button, light-up one... I just haven't told them which one to get him yet.
As we left the Doctor's office, the Doctor asked me if I'd like a rubber ducky (the one they give the kids who get shots). And to be clear, she asked if I wanted it for ME... Not Luke. She noticed I had been crying.
Let me just say this... I'll be SOOOO happy when we are past the 8-14 day window of side-effects. 14 days and counting....
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